in the bar
as we are drinking
two girls make their way across the room
my mind being the way it is these days
I carry out an assessment
but notice to my surprise
something different
I recognise these girls
Claudine
and the friend I took
behind them boyfriends and twats
she sees me
can't hide that look
she throws her arms around me
she throws her arms around me
and looks relieved
I shake her boyfriend's hand
go through the motions
but he leaves her
as he always does
fucks off to another bar
with the lads
perhaps to cheat again
perhaps to cheat again
such a crime
but what can I say
Claudine looks longingly
and takes my breath away as usual
and my friend,
he sees her longing,
and he also sees her beauty
does everyone have to fall in love with you?
later he urges me to do something
but there's nothing I can do
not even when holding her in my arms
as we spin around beneath the flashing lights
minds thrown to sweet oblivion
for a moment I think about a drama,
to say
"Listen Claudine, god knows I love being with you,
more than I would ever want to,
but this fucks me up. So you're going to have to do something for me,
you're going to have either leave him,
or never see me again"
but as I look at her
I smile at myself for being so human
like fuck it could be so simple
like fuck I could never see her again
like fuck am I being fucked up
this is all process
psychological process
and the inner mechanics of a mind in turmoil
makes the sound of progress
this is the industry of being fucked up
and it will always get results
I am on the production line
falling into place
soon enough
something will halt
and everything will be revealed
3 comments:
But surely you too (or two) are cheating, are you not?
Oh no we're just great friends, as you can tell.
The lines...
"perhaps to cheat again
such a crime
but what can I say"
...were meant to refer to what you ask. The line was for me, not him.
My moral convictions fall far shorter than the stupidity that overwhelms me in her presence. And her absence now, it seems.
Once a cheat, always a cheat, apparently. I look forward to a lifetime of unfulfilled shattered relationships. Of course it's never so clear when you're dating a serial cheater who ignores you, treats you like shit, demeans you and beds your friends and colleagues, exactly what is meant by the term "relationship" in the first place. Still, loyalty fidelity fraternity. Forgive and forget. Fuck happiness right in its loose arse (:
Sorry how shit this poetry lark is these days. I think I've martyred my imagination. You, however, are writing brilliant stuff!
Bollocks Kieran, I love what you're writing. I just can't think of anything fitting to say. Some are so heartbreaking that "ace poem, old chap" isn't really going to work.
xx
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