I said I would not love another
or fuck another
or need another
for a long time

That hasn't changed

but,
when we drink like this,
and display ourselves like bait,
what are we trying to do?
We are tempting our weaknesses,
we are seeking to fall and claim we fell,
we are looking to lose control.

People think I'm losing my edge because of other cuts
but it's you,
it's you,
and that's why I keep drinking.


it breaks my heart to think...
this is why I drink so much -
to stop that chronic illness.
But,
I know that if I took you on
and won,
one day down the line you would be human

and so would I.

A join would be the death of you and me,
the birth of who we really are.
I need to see you naked,
but not honest.

We are fantasists,
escapists,
using one another to patch private wounds.
I am injured,
it's no secret,
you keep your secrets,
and something heals everytime I watch you laugh or move.

Tonight I leave again
to smash my brain in hope of forgetting,
because when I am in thought,
you plague me.