Fuck.

Every time I begin to remember
recognise your face
there is a flash in the heavens
and loud thunder
and I am lost

I wander in the park
whimpering
cannot remember where I live
cannot find any familiar feature
terrified
to feel so alien
to see an alien world
I know this isn't right.

Fuck.

Every time I catch the wave
I distract myself
with the thought of pleasure
I wake up in a hostel
in 1998
so you tell me -
how the fuck am I supposed to live this way?

Fuck.

Every time I walk myself unto the edge
I black out
and come around confused
unsure if I was there to jump or
there to see the sights.
Anna used to take my picture -
only I could see the horror in the smile,
the buzzing brain.

Fuck, don't you remember?
You're not supposed to forget this way.