Kate came round to drop off the scrapbook that she made for me
on my 21st birthday
inside on every page
pictures of us with our friends
and messages of her undying love for me
the look in her eyes as she placed it in my hands
hurt

sitting on the balcony as the sun set
Kate asks
"have you been seeing anyone?"
this the question she always asks
so nervously and timid
the tremble of her once so confident and familiar voice
hurt

later Kate says to me as I walk her home
"I'm still in love with you"
and she looks to me to see,
as she always does,
if I will say the same
but I cannot say I love her
and I do not say I love her
"give it time" I say
and hate myself

in that sun which catches her so well
I am astounded by her beauty
and wonder how I ever ended up with such a pretty girl
and ever more amazed that here I am once again
casting her away
why do I no longer want this woman?
I ache to protect her
to stop her hurt
I long to tell her what she wants to hear
to say I want to get back together
to say there is a future and those many years were not
a waste
I ache to say this
to make her happy
but the truth is
It is over between us
and I cannot save her

It seems so unjust that I should waste her like this
or that I should move on so quickly
to other women and other pains
but she stands loyal to our time and intimacy
aching in the same old way
for the same old love
that I now feel I have betrayed

Sick of the hurt
wish I could rescue her
or that I could love her the way she dreams
sick of the good suffering for pointless love
hungry for her healing
and my healing
something blessed must someday come
surely someday
something blessed must come