should I pretend this doesn't hurt?

should I invite you to the dim lit rooms of this palace
to lure you in,
even if she comes too
and watches me with dripping eyes?

should I pretend she isn't real
like me and you?

should I care so much for your words
or your touch,
your placement on the great unending map,
even if your words are lost in nightclub clatter
as you touch the many eager men
who would map your body
just as hungrily?

does it even matter what you answer
if I'll do it anyway?

Everything you utter matters now
to me,
and every accidental shimmer
fired between us
shall be disected and inspected
until I understand
exactly what it is I feel.