Father of Heaven
Lord of the gathered Host
In all your power you left her stranded
Liver broken, yellowed skin,
Bloated womb and weeping children,
And yes,
So very much alone.
Of course I am but dirt,
The very dirt of Adam,
But pardon me for asking such a thing;
Why were you so very very absent in all of this?
I never rejected you
I never ate the fruit
I never crucified you
I never wanted to
I never denied you
I never questioned you
I never meant to hurt you
If ever I did.
I have loved you for your teaching,
And loved you for your grace.
Your mercy has been a light to me,
My hope the whisper of your name.
But now your grace is nothing but recklessness to me,
The random whimsy of a child.
Your favourites no more blessed than the sinners wretched,
The beauty of your word reversed,
Hell, a sickening act of petty power,
Heaven the fenced-off Empire city,
And all your miracles and teachings
Misleading and peverse.

Well, once I cried for you.
I cried for your loneliness in the Garden of Gethsemane.
I cried for you in your solitude and despair on the hill of Calvary.
I cried for you in love, as you cried for Lazarus,
And I cried for you in love, as you died for us.
But you changed.
We cried alone, in our despair, as she lay in her cheap linen.
She died alone, in her despair, on a hill of no reknown.
And I cried in love, as I saw her cry for us,
Because she didn't even want to cause us pain
In dying.

Oh John Calvin, is that you,
Weeping at the feet of Jesus?
Or is it Job, or William Cowper,
Or a whore of greater virtue?
I cannot weep this time,
My self-loathing has turned to anger.
How can Holy Mercy be this blind?
How can man be cast away like jars of clay?
I never prayed to Him.
I will not see you in this light,
Dear God,
Even if I have to turn away.
Forgive me, if that is your mandate,
And forgive all born and murdered things,
For thine be the glory,
And mine be the punishment,
Lest somewhere between Eden and Dresden,
Someone got it wrong.