Thank you very much.

May I just begin by saying how much I enjoyed describing in detail the mechanics of murder. I have gained a great understanding of the functions of brutality, something I'm sure will serve me well in future. I'd like to thank the bloody children of Liberia for their forethought in cutting off the hands of their victims, in ripping open the bellys of pregnant women, so that I might profit in my work. I'd like also to thank Charles Taylor for exporting the carnival of indiscriminate atrocity beyond the borders of his own impoverished country, bringing agony and suffering to all communities touched by that great forest. I could not have achieved any of this without his total disregard for human life, or indeed his dogged determination to hold power over others, whatever the cost.

Finally I must thank my colleagues, who have supported me throughout this venture, making me cups of tea and editing early drafts as I set about the process of documenting horror. Their patience and generosity has been an example to me, and as I look forward to a future of shallow and superficial analysis of distant pain and misery, I shall seek to apply similar qualities to my own approach.

Now all that is left for me to do is to propose a toast, to all the dead people (excluding ourselves), who sadly can't be here tonight to see what value their pointless destruction held for me, but I'm sure they'd agree it was more than worth it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going somewhere to be sick.