I was getting back up
getting back up
but then I run into
the friend of an old friend

I'll be sensible now, I won't to jump to conclusions,
I don't want her, not enough to make it right,
I'm not about lust and longing,
I'll keep quiet

and she says

"I've missed you! Where have you been?
I've been looking for you everywhere!"

But we've only ever spoken twice, in nervous smiling conversation

"I wanted to come to your award ceremony, but I couldn't find it, or you."

And the guilt pours over me.
Shit, I invited her.
But I didn't think she'd come.
Thank god I didn't see her,
because I was there with my ex.

That would have sparked pointless
thoughts in three well meaning minds.

I have to give something back

"I'm so sorry, I was ill and wasn't around much. I should have emailed you the location."

It's fine, she says.

"But we should meet up for drinks or something. Are you going to the big Christmas party next Wednesday?"

"I don't think our team are invited - a friend has been invited by someone going, but I think only because he fancies her... I think staff going are allowed to invite people."

Is this a cue? Fuck, I am so shit with women it takes the piss.

"Right, well, you should definitely come. Definitely. I'm sure you can gatecrash - they'll be too drunk to notice."

Crap, does this sound like I'm keen? What am I doing? My arms are crossed. She's more embarrassed than me. So shy.

"Yeah yeah I will, I will. Is that where you work?"

She says, pointing to the office door

"Yes"

"I nearly knocked on that door a couple of times last week to ask if you were around...I was too shy, but I really missed you."

I was gone for two days. I've only seen her twice before, although yes - 5 years ago we shared a friend.
Such a sunny, pretty girl, what's she doing being so enthusiastic about me? Perhaps it's not women I fail to understand. Perhaps it's me.

Most of the time I have this feeling in my stomach like I'm going to be sick.