Is this loneliness?
You have asked me this before.
Is this desperation?
Well, is it?

No, I am not desperate,
but I am lonely, and it comes hard and fast
it hits me like a freight train
I am under the wheels
yet again

I am not desperate, but I am resigned
I am sinking to the floor of this sweet brown river
to watch the Congress of Europe parade by
to watch the players perform Shakespeare on the riverside
to watch the bombs fall on Dresden and hear the Ovaltine Hour
I am here, gently sinking into silt and eyes

I am so lonely
that company is torture
I am so lonely
that I cannot abide my friends
I am so lonely that I despise my lover
I dream of Rachel, out weeping in the stone cold desert

I am lonely
in so much as I am resigned
that life will go on forever without me
that romances will rise and fall
and empires will strike up and come unstuck
that dogs will have their day and I will wank myself into a stupor
as the sun sets again and again
on the great sweet project
that was the mayfly's dance
of my one, long life

Good night.